Fanfiction? About me?
by yaoininja
Summary: You'll laugh. You'll drool. Then you'll laugh some more hehe. Named after the first chapter. Humor with SMUT! EdxRoy LEMONS BEWARE! New Crack chapter XD!
1. Fanfiction? About me?

**This story was inspired by a very cute avatar I hope you like it and please review! These are kinda like drabbles…but they're all related so I guess you could call it a story…a very messed up story.**

**Disclaimer: I will save my loose change and buy FMA! But until then, it's not mine TT**

**I wrote this while listening to Uhn Tiss by the Bloodhound Gang, which explains a lot…**

Fanficiction? About _me_?

Ed walked into one of the main offices at HQ and sat down at the latest technology of Amestris. The computer. He had heard it had been in the works for sometime now, and it had been released a while ago, but now there was this thing called 'internet', which supposedly made it a lot more interesting. He pushed the 'on' button and pulled out the manual (which had the size of a dictionary). He grunted. "Damn thing is HUGE! How hard could it be? If it's so high tech then it should be adapted to be easy to handle," he said to no one in particular, then tossed the manual in the trash.

A screen came up with some icons on it, and one with a big 'E' that said internet explorer. He double clicked on it then a page came up. "Fanfiction .net?" Ed said questionably. Apparently someone had saved a page on that automatically went to the Fullmetal Alchemist section. "What weird people are writing stories about us?" Ed said. "Hey, there's criteria settings!" he said excitedly. "Hmm, how about me and Winry! I bet a lot of people think we're a good pairing, though that would never happen…" he said, setting the criteria.

The page loaded and he looked at it. "42 results found." "Oh, that's a lot!" he said, leaning forward. He thought about reading some, but he didn't feel that way about his childhood friend, and would feel weird doing so. He looked at the criteria settings again. "Hmm…" he said as he set it to himself and Roy Mustang. "I bet a lot of people have fight stories about us!" he said excitedly. He pushed to 'go' button and eagerly awaited his results.

"68 pages! Wow!" he said, eager to read stories of him and Roy 'battling.' He began skimming through the page. "Hmm, what's this?" he said, stopping on a story called "Firelit Lust" he clicked on it and began reading.

"_Firelight burned from the tips of melting wax candles, illuminating the darkness that covered the room. Two figures were lit partly, one a short blond slouching on a black couch, the other dark haired and sitting up straight on a large black armchair. The dark haired male, obviously older by about a decade, watched the blond with a trained eyes. "So. You know why you're here, right, Fullmetal?" he asked, eyes dancing with some kind of amusement._

_Pulling himself straight in his seat, Edward took a sip of the drink he'd been given when he had come. "Some kind of top secret mission?" He replied, watching his superior. The look in his eyes made him want to run. Something wasn't right.._

"This is weird…I wonder what kind of mission it is…" Ed said to himself.

_"Edward was right. Slowly his eyelids grew heavy, drooping down over his eyes..."_

"Wha!?! He drugged me!"

_"When the blond awoke moments later, he found his arms were bound with something. Golden eyes darted around the room and were greeted with the sight of Roy Mustang in a elegant blue bathrobe. "Nice to see you're awake, Fullmetal," Roy said, standing from the chair he had been sitting in. The man made his way over to the side of the bed, where Ed found that he had been handcuffed to the headboard. Ed's eyes hardened on the colonel. "What the hell are you doing, bastard?!" the boy hissed._

_Roy dropped the robe from his shoulders, revealing nothing but a leather jockstrap beneath it, a whip tied on the side. Undoing the tie, he lifted the brown leather item, letting the end spill on the floor. He ran his tongue along the whip, gazing at Edward. Hopping on the bed, Roy pinned the blond unnecessarily, whip in his left hand. He lowered his head to the blond's cheek. "You know I love you, Ed. I couldn't wait any more," he murmured, finishing with licking the boys cheek._

_The blond stared in horror, tremors running throughout his body. "Roy!!""_

"WHOA WHOA WHOA WHAT!!!" Ed yelled as he fell back off the chair and onto the floor. His hands tangled in the mouse as he fell, leaving him bound on the floor. "Fullmetal, what is it? I heard yelling, is everything alright?" Roy said as he walked into the dark office. Ed looked at the colonel, then back at his bound hands, then back at the colonel. "NO! BACK, YOU HORNY BEAST!" Ed yelled as he struggled to free himself. "Wha…?" Roy said, walking closer. "NOO!" Ed yelled, struggling even more against the cord. "Why, cruel fate!" he yelled at the mouse. Roy just walked around him and over to the computer screen. '_What a relief-wait, no!_' Ed thought, remembering the story was still on the screen.

"Wait, colonel, don't-" Ed said, finally freeing himself from his binds and quickly scrambling over to the computer. But it was too late. "So, Fullmetal, is this the reason you wanted to use the computer?" Roy said with his usual smirk. Ed began blushing furiously. "No! I just accidentally found it and-and!" Ed said, too embarrassed to talk. "Well, Edward, I'm surprised to know that you don't know me well enough to know I would never do something like that," he said. Ed still blushed. "I would never do anything to you without your consent," Roy said, leaning closer to the blond and whispering in his ear. "In fact, I'd make you want it." Ed gasped and pulled away from him. "W-what!" he said nervously.

Roy leaned forward o that their lips were barely touching. "Do you want it?" Roy whispered seductively. Ed parted his lips to say something, but no words came out. Roy took this as a yes. He leaned forward and took the boys first kiss. Ed moaned into the motion, and hesitantly pushed back into the kiss.

"Yo, Roy! Where are ya! I wanna show ya pictures of my beautiful daughter Elysia!" Hughes yelled from down the hall. They quickly broke apart and Ed rushed to the computer to close the window. He turned around and Roy brought a gloved finger up to wipe some spit from the corners of Ed's mouth. "We really need to work on your kissing skills, you drooled all over yourself," Roy said, amused. "Sh-shut up!" Ed said, blushing. Roy pulled him into a tight hug, then released moments before Hughes walked in.

"Roy! There you are! I've been looking all over for ya! I wanted to show ya pictures of my beautiful daughter! Come on!" he said, grabbing Roy's arm and dragging him out of the office. "Fullmetal, we'll finish discussing this later," Roy said, winking at the blond. Ed blushed and nodded.

"So, Roy, what were you and Ed doin' in there?" said Hughes' fading voice as he and Roy walked down the hall.

**So, how was it? Next chapter coming soon! Yay me! Oh, sorry…oh yeah, I used 'Kat-chanTehNewEnvy's fic up above, sorry I didn't ask! Please forgive! It's a really good story though, I liked it! So no credit goes to me It's actually on so review it! Please join my site! Edxroysantuary.proboards82 add at the end! W00t!**


	2. Reaction

**Yay! Chapter two! I was kinda hoping for more reviews but whatever…okay these are each gonna have a different theme but they're all related So on with the story!**

**Disclaimer: Hmm, I got about $2.50, you think that'll be enough? Oh darn, I still don't own it…**

**Once again, I was listening to Uhn Tiss by The Bloodhoung Gang, which has diseased my mind, which explains the craziness… **

Reaction

Roy ran into his office, trying to shove the door closed while his photo-crazed friend was desperately trying to claw his way in. "Roy! Wait, I wanna show ya Elysia in the swimming pool!" Hughes yelled as he continued to try and force himself through the door. Roy finally managed to close the door and he quickly turned the lock. He sighed and slumped against the door. '_I miss Ed already_,' he thought sadly to himself.

"Roy? Oh, he's in his office, but I don't think he wants to see anyone," Hughes said to someone outside Roy's door. Roy eagerly put his ear up against the door. "I don't care! Like he ever wants to talk to anyone anyway!" came Ed's usual rant. Roy smiled, the quickly got up and ran to his desk. Moments later, the door was kicked open by a certain blond. Though this action seemed very confident, he instantly began blushing once he saw the colonel.

"So? Came for more?" Roy in his usual cocky manner. "Shut up! What…what did that mean? Back there, I mean," Ed said, averting Roy's gaze. Roy smiled. "It means," Roy said, getting up and walking closer to the young alchemist, "that I love you." Ed gasped, and Roy used this opportunity to steal another kiss from the boy. Ed immediately leaned into the kiss, wanting more.

Roy brought his hand between Ed's legs, gently brushing his hand against his groin. "h-ha! Ed yelped, gripping onto Roy's hand. "What, you don't like it?" Roy said, smiling warmly. "I-what were you trying to d-do?" Ed said, blushing like crazy. "I was just trying to make you feel good," Roy said, gently pulling at the hand that was gripping his wrist. "May I continue?" Roy said. Ed didn't say anything, but let go of his hand. Roy gently ran a finger down his groin, making Ed stiffen. "Ah! W-what…" Ed said, obviously confused. Ed cocked his head to the side and looked at him.

"You mean…you don't 'understand'? Do you know _anything_ about sex?" Roy said, very curious. "No! Why would I? I'm only 17…" Ed said, looking at the ground. Roy just chuckled. "Well, let's see if we got a reaction," he said, gripping Ed gently. "Ah!" Ed said, instinctively thrusting into his hand. "Yep, there's definitely a reaction," he said, stroking him. "Haa!" Ed cried out, moving into the motion. "Wha…I…why…?" Ed panted, gripping onto the front of Roy's military uniform. Roy smiled. "Don't worry, what you're feeling is normal," he said, bending down to whisper in his ear. "It feels good, doesn't it?" he said, stroking him again.

Ed cried out, burying his face in Roy's chest. "I…I'm…I feel so strange…I need…" Ed panted. He pushed into Roy's hand and cried out, getting desperate for release. "I know, but take off your pants first, or you'll make a mess," Roy said, smiling as he helped the boy out of his clothing. Ed just looked at him questionably, but felt a growing need between his legs. "_Roy_," Ed moaned, longing for the man's touch again. Damn that was sexy. Roy lifted Ed up onto the desk, burying his face in the boy's crotch. "Oh, _god_," Ed moaned, feeling the colonel's wet mouth all over his arousal. "Roy, yes! I'm gonna…I'm gonnna…" Ed cried out, weaving his fingers his jet black hair.

Ed let out a strangled cry as he came hard, this being his first time. Ed had his left arm draped over his eyes, panting heavily and trying to catch his breath. Roy brought his lips to meet Ed's, giving him a chaste kiss. Ed was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to speak or walk for the next few minutes. Roy opened a drawer and pulled out a towel, then cleaned Ed up. He picked Ed up, making him squeak, and brought him over to the couch. He laid Ed down, then curled up next to him and wrapped his arms around his waist. Ed snuggled up to his chest and smiled. "I love you," Roy said, affectionately rubbing Ed's back. "I love you, too," Ed said, getting his voice back from their recent 'activities'. They soon fell asleep, the most satisfied people in the world.

"Sir, I need you too-HOLY CRAP!" Hawkeye yelled as she walked into Roy's office. Ed really shouldn't have busted the lock…

**So, how was it? Yeah, kinda short, but whatever. Please review! The next fic (if you review) will be titled 'mango flavored body gel' MWAHAHAHA! Oh, sorry…please join my EdxRoy site edxroysanctuary.proboards82 .com !**


	3. Warmth

**Okay, my next fic yay! I got a lot of reviews in a short amount of time with that last one, so obviously you people like sexual stuff. Pervs. Lol just kidding EdxRoy fluff ish the best! Thank you for reviewing! Okay, I'll shut up now and get to the fluff. **

**Disclaimer: Hey, another dime! Still not enough? Oh damn, still not mine…**

**I was watching police most outrageous crimes caught on tape when I wrote this, which is kinda weird…but it did not affect my psyche! **

**And now, our feature presentation…**

Warmth

Ed and Roy burst out of Roy's office, a shower of bullets following after them. Poor Ed was desperately trying to pull on his pants. "COLONEL! GET BACK HERE!" Hawkeye yelled as she reloaded her pistol. They immediately took cover behind a desk, all of the subordinates looking at them with confused faces as they moved out of the line of fire. "Lieutenant! Can't we talk about this like professionals?" Roy said desperately. "Jeez, chief, wha'd ya do this time?" Havoc said from the corner of the room. Roy just glared at him.

"Somebody help me!" Roy said desperately. Ed finally managed to get his pants on, though nobody seemed to notice they were off in the first place, except Hawkeye. "Sorry, the first lieutenant outranks us, so there's nothin' we can do," Havoc said. Roy quickly grabbed Ed's hand and made a run for it. "We're leaving early today we'll discuss this in the morning okayseeyoulaterbye!" he yelled as they shot out the door.

Hawkeye began twitching as she watched them leave. "I won't forget that easily!" she yelled after them. She then sighed and re-holstered her weapon, then sat back down at her desk. "What was that about?" Havoc said, him and the other subordinates moving from their safety in the corner. "Nothing you want to know about…"

Ed and Roy arrived at Roy's apartment, a little out of breath. At first they had gunned it, but after a block or two they had started walking. Neither of them said a word the whole time. "It's not much, but it's nice," Roy said, gesturing towards his living room. Ed looked around at the cozy apartment. There was a small living room, complete with a fireplace, couch, and recliner. He then turned his attention to the kitchen, which had a small table and set of chairs, and a few plants in the window. It was actually quite cozy. Then there was the winding metal staircase, leading up to the second floor. It really was a nice apartment.

"Take your shoes off and sit down," Roy said, gesturing towards the couch. They both took off their shoes and jackets, then sat comfortably on the couch. Roy pulled out a blanket that had been draped over the back of the couch, and wrapped it around them. Roy then snapped his fingers, igniting the fire in the fireplace. Ed smiled and snuggled closer to him. "Show off," Ed said in an affectionate way, as Roy wrapped his arms around Ed's waist.

"Riza's gonna kill us tomorrow," Roy said, though he really didn't care. "So what," Ed said, looking up to meet Roy's gaze. Roy smiled, then pulled him into a warm kiss. Ed melted into the kiss, feeling Roy's hands roam around his upper body. Soon the heat from the fire filled the room, making the both sweat. They shed both their shirts, their bare chests brushing up against each other. "R-Roy…" Ed said hesitantly. "Yes?" Roy said, smiling at him. "Does this mean, we're um…together?" Ed said, looking down. Roy just smiled and kissed the top of his head. "Of course. You belong to me, and no one else. And vise versa," he said, running his thumb down Ed's cheek. Ed smiled. "Good."

They continued kissing, but after a while they grew tired and the kissing got kind of sloppy. They fell asleep in each other's arms, kept warm not by the fire, but by each other.

"I wonder what the lieutenant and the colonel were fighting about," Havoc said to no one in particular, peeking his head into Roy's office. After seeing no one was there, he walked in, just out of curiosity. Then he looked down. "Uhh…why are Ed's boxers in here?" he said, a _very_ confused look on his face. Ed, you retard…

**So, how was it? This chapter was mostly fluff, sorry! I know I promised Mango flavored body gel, but that would be kinda fast, so I made a transition! Please review and I promise I'll try my best to make the next one smutty! chu! Join my site please! edxroysanctuary.proboards82 .com  
**


	4. Moo

**Okay, these are pretty much drabbles. An assortment of EdxRoy fluff…and smut! But, they are on the same plotline so it's also a story. Which is weird. This is my first EdxRoy story, my others are oneshots so please review! There is a point to this…kinda, I guess it's like the adventures of Ed and Roy! There will be no sadness, just fluff and humor **

**Disclaimer: I got hungry and bought BK, so now I'm back to saving again…It's still not mine )-:**

**I was watching CSI when I wrote this, and it involved whips and dominance so that gives me ideas MWAHAHAHA oh sorry on with the story!**

Moo

The first thing Ed realized was that he was covered with blankets. The next thing he realized was the warmth of the fire on his face. He sat up and rubbed his eyes as the events of the previous night flooded his mind. Then he realized that he was alone. "Roy?" Ed said, getting off the couch. Then he noticed that he was wearing an oversized pair of boxers.

"Oh, hello, I see you're awake," Roy said from the stove as Ed walked into the kitchen. "Are these yours?" Ed said, gesturing to the boxers. "Yeah, I took your pants off because you looked uncomfortable, but you weren't wearing anything underneath…" Roy said. Ed blushed, but then thought of something. "Wait, where are my boxers then?" Ed said, a little worried. Suddenly the color drained from Ed's face. "Crap," he said as he hit himself on the head. "Wait! I bet Al's wondering where I am!" Ed yelled, frantically looking for a phone. Don't worry, I called him last night. I told him it was late and since

my house was closer I let you stay here," Roy said, smiling. "Oh."

"Breakfast's almost ready, so sit down," Roy said, turning back to cooking. "Wait, you can _cook_?" Ed said in a disbelieving voice. Roy laughed. "You sound surprised," he said, poking whatever was in the pan with a fork. "Well, yeah…" Ed said, looking around the kitchen. "Well, it's either learn how to cook, or starve," Roy said, turning around and smiling at Ed. Ed smiled back. He then noticed that Roy was wearing nothing but his boxers. Can someone get Ed a drool bucket?

Roy finished cooking and brought over two plates of eggs and bacon over. "This looks great!" Ed said happily. "I'm glad you think so, but the question is if it _tastes _great," Roy said. "Ha ha," Ed said sarcastically, then looked down at his plate. "Thanks," Ed said, staring at his feet uncomfortably. Roy smiled. "No problem, but I think you might regret eating it…" Roy said, looking at Ed mischievously. "Why? It looks fine," Ed said, shoving a forkful of eggs in his mouth. "It tastes fine!" Ed said through a mouthful of egg. Roy laughed, but Ed didn't notice, he just continued to eat.

Soon they were done eating, and Roy put their plates in the sink. Roy then led them to the living room, where they once again found themselves on the couch. Ed began shuffling around, looking uncomfortable. Roy noticed this restlessness. "What is it?" Roy said, wrapping an arm around Ed's shoulders. "Huh? Oh, it's nothing…" Ed said, looking around. "Oh, come on, what is it?" Roy said, eager to know. "Well, it's just…I'm _really_ curious to see upstairs," Ed said, a little embarrassed. "Why didn't you say so? Come on, I'll show you," Roy said, leading the way. He was surprised Ed wasn't already up there snooping around like he usually would.

They walked over to the winding metal staircase, and they began the ascent. On the way up, Ed wondered how sturdy this thing was, the apartment _did_ seem kind of old fashioned. But they got to the top, safe and sound, and Ed found a short hallway. "Here is my room," Roy said, going into the first door on the right. Ed eagerly walked in. Inside was a king sized bed with a silky blue bedspread and matching pillows. There was a desk, a chair, a dresser, and a balcony. "You have a balcony?" Ed said, wandering towards it. Roy laughed, Ed acted like a little kid sometimes.

Roy joined Ed on the balcony, looking over the busy city street. "It's really beautiful at night," Roy said, wrapping an arm around Ed's waist. Ed rested his head on Roy's shoulder and sighed. "I'll give you the rest of the tour in a sec," Roy said, then

picked Ed up and threw him on the bed. "Hey!" Ed said, then began laughing as he threw a pillow at Roy. Unfortunately for Ed, Roy caught the pillow and jumped on Ed with it, pinning him beneath. Ed gave Roy a fake glare, then Roy rolled over and snuggled up to Ed.

"Comfortable?" Roy said, pulling Ed close to him. "Yep," Ed said, sniggling back.

"Okay, now I have a confession to make," Roy said, holding Ed tighter. "What…" Ed said, afraid to hear what it was. "I mixed in milk with the eggs," he said, then squeezed the blond to try and minimize the tantrum. "WHAT! You poisoned me!" Ed yelled, fighting against his grip. "I didn't poison you, Ed. I gave you milk, it's good for you," Roy said, struggling against the boy. He really shouldn't have said anything.

Al walked down the street, coming back from grocery shopping. He heard yelling and looked up. Through a balcony door he could see his brother and the colonel fighting. Al looked worried. "I hope they don't hurt each other…" he said to himself, listening to their fight. "YOU FED ME DEMON SPAWN," Ed yelled, flailing his arms. "That's because it's good for you!" Roy yelled back, wrapping his arms around Ed's waist to try and settle him down. "I'm sorry, Ed," Roy said, pouting and resting his head on Ed's shoulder. "Whatever…" Ed said, pushing Roy back on the bed and laying down next to him. If Al wasn't a suit of armor, he would have had one big nose bleed…

**So how was it? I KNOW! I promised I would TRY to make this one the body gel one but I'm getting there! Please rate and read my next chapter! Chu! Oh yeahplease join my site! edxroysanctuary.proboards82 .com  
**


	5. Mango Flavored Body Gel

**Okay, finally, I've gotten to it. Yes, that's right folks. The mango flavored body gel. I know you want it, don't deny it. Okay none of you want to know this but there's a bush outside my house, and my friend cut herself on it so I named it the Envy bush. We say that it's Envy in the form of a bush and he doesn't want to change back. I talk to him all the time and I always so bye whenever I leave (mostly to freak out my dad) But me and Envy are not on good terms because he (temporarily) killed Ed, AND he didn't remind me that Ed's birthday was Wednesday! Ed's own Nii-san should know, dammit! Anyway, I just wanted to say that and I'm going to make a pickit sign that says "Envy Bush" and it will be the official Envy bush. I just wanted to say that now on with the story! Please say hi to Envy!**

**Disclaimer: Have you _seen _the ending of the Conqueror of Shambala? I obviously don't own FMA…(that movie was SO hinting at EdxRoy, can't you tell!?!)**

**I was listening to The Bad Touch by the Bloodhound Gang…enough said**

Oh dear God, I'm going to hell, but…

Mango Flavored Body Gel

They lay there for a while, enjoying the calm. But, soon it got boring, and so the silence was shattered. "I'm bored," Ed said, rolling over on top of Roy so he was looking down at him. He smiled. "What do you suppose we do about that?" he said, sitting up and wrapping his arms around Ed's small frame. Ed squeaked and held onto him for support, then looked at him with a mischievous smile. "I dunno…" he said, looking away and blushing. "I think you do." And with that, Roy flipped him over so that he was on top of the smaller one.

"Hey!" he yelled, hitting Roy with a pillow. "Now that's not very nice," he said, throwing the pillow aside and kissing the blond eagerly. He moaned into the kiss, wrapping his arms around the colonel's neck. Roy entwined his legs with the Ed's, playfully rubbing against them. Roy licked the blond's bottom lip, begging for entrance which was quickly granted. Plundering the younger one's mouth, he ran his tongue over every surface, quick to memorize what made him moan.

He began slipping his hand down the younger one's boxers, and at that he stiffened. "What is it?" Roy asked, sitting up. Ed just stared at the bed uncomfortably. "I…I've never…" he said, scratching nervously at his ear. Roy smiled and pulled the boy tightly against him. "We don't have to do anything," he said, pulling him closer. "Just take things at your own pace." Ed smiled and rested his face in the Flame's chest. Suddenly Roy felt a finger gently trail a line down his back. He smiled and leaned back to look at the blond with a raised eyebrow.

"What?" Ed said innocently, fluttering his eyelashes. Curses, he's so cute. Roy lifted Ed into his lap, earning a yelp from the younger one. "Nothing," Roy replied, touching his forehead to Ed's. Ed happily kissed him, snaking his arms around the colonel's neck. Roy reached around Ed, and began to playfully run his fingers over his ass. "Ahh…" he moaned, leaning towards Roy. Roy continued this motion, then began teasingly snapping the waistband of his boxers.

Ed leaned back and looked at him with an annoyed look. "It's up to you to make the next move," he said, stroking Ed's back. Ed blushed, but leaned forward to kiss him again. He then pulled back and looked at him sternly. "Do…do that again. What you we're doing before," he said, once again wrapping his arms around the flames neck.

"You mean this?" Roy said, running his hand over his ass. "Y-yes," he said, leaning into Roy. He pulled at the waistband of Ed's boxers, then looked at him questionably. Ed nodded and Roy proceeded. Ed leaned forward to give him better access, then noticed a small bottle on his bedside table. '_Mango flavored body gel_?' he thought to himself, then suddenly his eyes grew wide. That could only be for one thing. He smiled to himself, that is, until something interrupted their 'session'.

"GET OF MY BROTHER YOU PEDOPHILE!" Came Al's voice as he burst into the room.

**MWAHAHAHA! Very misleading with the body gel, no? You all hate me! Where's the lemon? I DON"T KNOW! Tell me if you find it, okay? Lol J/k I will get there soon! xGaspx What's Al gonna do to our poor Taisa? Stay tuned and find out! Okay, I MAY have been listening to 'Shut up and sleep with me' when I wrote this, but that hasn't affected my story writing skills. I gots mad skills! Okay I write kinda suckish but anyway…stay tuned for chappie 6!**


	6. Making Things Clear

**Okay, chapter 6 w00t! I'm so glad I'm getting reviews it keeps me writing! Oh no Al came to 'save' Ed…from Roy's smexiness! Darn you Al! Okay, Envy's doing fine, but still not talking…okay now on with the story!**

**Disclaimer: You just like to make me say it, don't you? It's not mine! xcriesx **

**I was listening to 'Across the universe' by Fiona Apple when I wrote this, which is a kind of serious song, and it set a good rhythm for this chapter.**

Making Things Clear

The metal figure ran straight for Roy, then picked him up with great force. "Alphonse?" Roy said, somewhat unfazed by Al's actions. "Colonel! What in the world are you doing to my brother!" Al yelled, shaking the colonel. "Al! Stop it!" Ed yelled, instantly jumping up to assist Roy. Roy just kind of looked at Ed with a puzzled look, unsure of what to do. Though he hated to admit it, Al could beat him easily at any kind of battle.

Al looked at Ed, then back at the colonel. He dropped Roy, letting him fall harshly to the ground. He stumbled and fell back on the bed, but otherwise there was no damage done. Except for the nosebleed…

"I thought you were a respectable man, colonel, but you've corrupted my brother and I'll never forgive you," Al said, then he put his hands on his head and started freaking out. "You've molested him! You took away his innocence and did perverted things to him!" he yelled, running around and continuing his fit. Ed twitched, and quickly ran to help Al with his issues.

"Al! he didn't molest me! I was totally willing," he said, blushing all the while. Roy was still on the bed with a nosebleed, twitching. (Imagine him when Riza told him he was useless in the rain) Al stopped running, and looked at Ed. "Brother! He's the colonel, I thought you didn't like him at_ all_. And he's a guy!" Al said, comic tears streaming down his face.

It's not that Al had a problem with Ed liking guys. He was his brother, he just wanted him to be happy. It's just that this all happened so suddenly and unexpectedly. And the colonel was known as such a womanizer, he was afraid of his brother getting hurt. "I know, Al. But…" he said, rubbing the base of his braid in embarrassment. "I love him." Al looked at Ed for a second, then pulled him into a bone-crushing hug (literally). "Oh, Brother! That's so sweet!" he yelled, squeezing tighter. "Al! Choking, not breathing!" Ed said, flailing his arms.

By now Roy had recovered from his state of shock and had walked over to join the conversation. "Um, Al?" Roy said, rubbing the back of his head. "Are we good?" he said, offering his hand to him. "Of course, colonel," he said, leaning forward and shaking his hand. "If you hurt my Nii-san, I'll gut you like a fish," he whispered, making Roy stiffen with fright. The creepy thing was that Al was acting innocent all the while…

"Well, I'm glad we've made things clear…to you, at least," Ed said, smiling. "But what about everyone else? Are you going to tell them? And Winry…" Al said, looking down. Ed looked over at the colonel, and saw that he too looked down at the ground, his face covered with guilt. "We'll get to that when the time comes, for now…lets try and keep it between us, okay?" Ed said, smiling at his Otouto. "And Riza…" Roy said. They both sighed.

Al said goodbye, then left the two-story apartment to leave the two love birds alone. They smiled at each other, and they were about to get back into their former activities when they were interrupted.

"COLONEL! YOU NEVER CAME IN FOR WORK!" came lieutenant Hawkeye's voice as Roy's bedroom door was busted through for the second time that day. God have mercy on their souls…

**So, how was it? They keep getting busted in on, oh darn! You're the Flame, Roy! Get better security! Like an army of 1,000 yaoi fangirls! Now _that _army could conquer anything! No one wants to mess with yaoi fangirls protecting Ed and Roy's pooning! Please review! Next chapter coming soon! **

**Join to my site! I have yaoi mangas posted on there! Edxroysanctuary.proboards82 .com **

**Otouto means younger brother**


	7. Blonds With Attitudes

**Okay, next chappie yay! I see people are not joining my site -- Why? Well, I'd like at least five more members to 'encourage' me to write more. (Yes, you're in the fanfic mafia and I'm threatening you) Please review and now on with the story!**

**Disclaimer: WATASHI. WA. KORE. HAGANE NO RENKINJUTSUSHI. YADA. (Fullmetal Alchemist is not mine)**

**I was listening to the Bad Touch again…**

Blonds With Attitudes

Roy sat up with a jump and flipped off the back of the bed. Ed just kept staring into the barrel of Hawkeye's pistol. "L-lieutenant?" Ed said, shaking. "Edward, please do not tell me you're doing what I think you're doing," she said, continuing to point the gun at his head. Roy got up and his protective side kicked in. Poor him. "Lieutenant! I must ask you at once not to point that gun at Ed's head!" he said, grabbing Ed and slowly sliding him towards himself. Ed glared at Roy, since a gun was being pointed at them this probably wasn't the best action.

"Colonel! How could you? You've known him since he was a child! And he's still a minor, not to mention you're subordinate and a guy!" she said, then sighed and reholstered her weapon. They both sighed and got up. "Uhh…well, it just sort of happened," Roy said, laughing nervously and scratching the back of his head. She just glared at him. "Sir, we will further discuss this issue later but right now both of you are late for work! I will be waiting in the car," and with that, she turned on her heel and left. They both just stare at each other, then Ed said "I guess we'd better get ready."

Roy really wanted to take a shower together, but they didn't have the time and he was pretty sure Ed would just start blushing if he asked. Roy sighed as he got out of the shower, then walked across the hall to his room and saw Ed putting on his boots. He smiled and leaned against the doorframe, just watching him. "Hello," he said as he walked past Ed into the room, then began rummaging through his drawers for his boxers. He found them, then let the towel around his waist drop. Suddenly Ed was having some problems between his legs.

Ed started freaking and quickly sat on the bed. He tried to cross his legs, but that was just painful. "What is it?" Roy said as he walked over, still completely naked with his boxers in his hand. Not helping. Ed felt his pants jump. "Uhh, I'm f-fine," he said, quickly getting up before Roy noticed his problem. He just raised an eyebrow at him and continued getting dressed.

Roy walked downstairs to see Ed with his head down on the kitchen table. His problem still hadn't gone away. "What's wrong?" Roy said as he walked over. Ed's head shot up and he started blushing. "N-nothing, I'm fine," he said, forcing a smile. Roy looked at him suspiciously. "Okay, let's go before Hawkeye kills us," he said, grabbing Ed's hand and pulling him up. Ed stood up, and Roy noticed he was standing funny. "Uh, Ed? Do you have to use the bathroom?" he said. Ed turned ten shades of red. "N-no! Let's just go," he said, then shot out the door. Roy just shrugged and followed him out.

The car ride was quiet, Roy and Hawkeye in the front, and Ed sat in the back. They got to HQ and walked in to the main office of Roy's unit to find something they weren't expecting. The bulletin board, which usually held important military announcements, had Ed's boxers pinned to it, with a sign that said "lost and found". Ed got a nose bleed, and Roy accumulated an eye twitch. Hawkeye glared at both of them, then marched over to the bulletin board.

"Okay, who did this?" she said, pointing to it. They all contained their laughter, and by the size of the boxers it was obvious who they belonged to. But there was one who seemed to be having a harder time controlling their laughter than the rest. "Jean Havoc! Did you do this?" she said. He just rolled onto the floor laughing. "Sorry, I just couldn't help it! Who knew Ed would be sneaking girls into the colonel's office!" he said, and continued laughing. "Eh?" she said, staring at him. "Well, that's why you were shooting at them, right? They were fighting about it?" he said. Ed, Roy, and Hawkeye looked at each other and sweat-dropped.

Ed walked over, snatched his boxers of the board, then walked into Roy's office and slammed the door. Roy looked at everyone, then followed after. He got into his office, then looked at Ed, who was laying face down on the couch. "That was a close one," he mumbled. Roy smiled and sat next to him. "Yeah," he said, kissing his neck. Ed sat up with a jump, his former problem returning. Great, and it had just gone away. "What's wrong? You've been acting strange ever since I got out of the shower," he said, pulling Ed onto his lap so that their faces were almost touching. Roy moved his leg so that he was more comfortable, accidentally brushing against Ed's 'problem'.

"_Oh_," he said, smiling at the blond. He just started blushing. "So that's why you've been acting so strange," he said. "Would you like to fix that?" he said. Ed gasped, and was about to nod when the door flew open. "If you two do anything while you're here I will shoot you both!" she said in a loud whisper. She then shut the door and went back to her desk. They both looked at each other and sighed. Ed almost cried.

**So, how was it? I know, kinda odd, but I plan on updating pretty soon! Please review and join my site! edxroysanctuary.proboards82 .com**


	8. The Bad Touch

**I've really been looking forward to writing this chapter so here it goes! Please review! I've been getting less and less, do you not love me? Xcriesx okay here's the story!**

**Disclaimer: I would buy it but I don't have enough money! Still not mine!**

**I was listening to the bad touch YAY! **

The Bad Touch

Ed and Roy sat in his office, staring into space. Roy was at his desk desperately trying to do his paperwork, but just kept staring at the blond on the couch. Said blond was lying on the couch, bored out of his mind and extremely horny. Not a good combination if you can't do anything. They didn't dare start messing around, because Hawkeye had sex-radar and would shoot them both. They sighed. To try and ease the tension, Roy turned on the radio.

_Sweat baby sweat baby  
sex is a texas drought  
Me and you do the kind of stuff that only prince would sing about  
So put your hands down my pants  
and Ill bet you'll feel nuts  
Yes I'm siskel, yes I'm ebert  
and you're getting two thumbs up  
You've had enough of two-hand touch  
you want it rough you're out of bounds  
I want you smothered want you covered  
like my waffle house hash browns  
Comin quicker than FedEx  
never reach an apex  
like coca-cola stock you areInclined  
To make me rise an hour early  
just like daylight savings time  
_

Roy started having having a spasm and was desperately trying to turn the radio off. He pushed the on/off button but it went inside the radio. Ed started twitching and having 'problems' again (damn puberty).

_Do it now  
You and me baby aint nothin but mammals  
So lets do it like they do on the discovery channel  
Do it again now  
You and me baby aint nothin but mammals  
So lets do it like they do on the discovery channel  
Gettin horny now_

_Love  
The kind you clean up with a mop and bucket  
Like the lost catacombs of egypt  
only God knows where we stuck it  
Hieroglyphics?  
let me be specific  
I wanna be down in your south seas  
But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean  
means small craft advisory  
So if I capsize on your thighs  
high tide  
b5  
you sunk my battleship  
Please turn me on  
Im mister coffee  
with an automatic drip  
So show me yours  
Ill show you mine  
tool time  
youll love it just like lyle  
And then well do it doggy style  
so we can both watch x-files  
Do it now_

"Turn it off!" Ed yelled as he awkwardly got off the couch and limped over. They were trying to turn it off when Ed tripped over the cord, then grabbed onto Roy and dragged them both down. They fell on the floor with the cord wrapped around them, and surprisingly the radio kept going.

_You and me baby aint nothin but mammals  
So lets do it like they do on the discovery channel  
Do it again now  
You and me baby aint nothin but mammals  
So lets do it like they do on the discovery channel  
Gettin horny now_

_You and me baby aint nothin but mammals  
So lets do it like they do on the discovery channel  
Do it again now  
You and me baby aint nothin but mammals  
So lets do it like they do on the discovery channel  
Do it now  
You and me baby aint nothin but mammals  
So lets do it like they do on the discovery channel  
Do it again now  
You and me baby aint nothin but mammals  
So lets do it like they do on the discovery channel  
Gettin horny now_

Roy shifted and accidentally bumped between Ed's legs, making him unwillingly moaned. Roy smiled and pulled him into a kiss, the song still playing in the background. Roy reached down between Ed's legs, making him moan loudly. Suddenly the door busted open and Hawkeye came in. "Colonel!" she yelled, pulling out her pistol. "Are you kidding me?" he said, releasing Ed and standing up. At this rate it seemed as though they would never get to do anything.

**So, how was it? Please review and join my site! Edxroysanctuary.proboards82 .com**


	9. My Love

**Ha ha! I have no life so I update frequently! Sometimes I feel like people should have a license to write EdxRoy stories! Okay, a bad plot I can handle, but I hate it when it has HORRIBLE grammar! Excuse me, 'takeded' is not a word! Ever heard of spell check? Oh! I dyed my hair neon pink yesterday and I'm so happy! Okay, enough with my rambles and on with the story! Please review!!!**

**Disclaimer: Is this still needed?**

**I was listening to My Love by Justin Timberlake…**

My Love

Ed and Roy lay on the floor, looking up at Hawkeye. Of course, the radio managed to keep playing.

_Yeah, because  
I can see us holding hands  
Walking on the beach, our toes in the sand  
I can see us on the countryside  
Sitting on the grass, laying side by side  
You could be my baby, let me make you my lady  
Girl, you amaze me  
Ain't gotta do nothing crazy  
See, all I want you to do is be my love  
(So don't give away) My love  
(So don't give away) My love  
(So don't give away) Ain't another woman that can take your spot, my love  
(So don't give away) My love  
(So don't give away) My love  
(So don't give away) Ain't another woman that can take your spot, my love_

Hawkeye sighed and stared at them. "I mean it, you two. What you do on your own time is your business, but while you're here there will be none of that," she said and walked out of the room. They looked at each other and then began untangling themselves from the evil radio cord. Roy went back to signing paperwork and Ed lied face down on the couch and continued sulking. Suddenly there was shouting outside of Roy's office, and they both leaned towards the door to listen.

"…you disrespected a superior officer by hanging his underwear on the wall!"

"Well Ed shouldn't be sneaking girls into the colonel's office. _That's_ disrespectful."

"…second lieutenant, how do you know that's even what happened?"

Ed and Roy both looked at each other, then back at the door. "Please don't say it, lieutenant," Roy said to himself. They were both sweating like crazy.

"Well, what else could have happened. With all due respect to the colonel, it's not like him and the chief were goin' at it."

Ed began twitching and Roy just stared at the door with his mouth open. "Don't say it, don't say it," Roy said.

"Regardless of what happened, what you did is inexcusable. You are stuck with paperwork for the rest of the day."

"Oh, come on, first lieutenant!"

"That's final, get back to work."

Ed and Roy sighed and continued what they were doing. There was a knock on the door, then Hawkeye's voice saying "thank me later." Ed got bored and decided to call Al to see how he was doing. He was supposed to visit Winry today, and he should have been there by now. Of course, he used the colonel's phone and sat on the edge of the desk as he did so.

"Hello, Winry? Is Al there?" he said to the mechanic. "Ed? Yeah, Al's here. How's your automail? You didn't break it again, did you!" she shouted. "My automail is fine! Just let me talk to Al, please," he said, holding the phone away from his face. "Yeah, I'll get Al, one sec." There was some rustling in the background and Ed waited.

Roy couldn't help staring at Ed. He just looked so sexy sitting on the edge of the desk like that. He had crossed his legs, and was moving his foot in circles while he waited for his brother to get on the line. He really did look like a girl. "Brother?" Al said as he answered the phone. "Hi Al, I just wanted to see how you were doing," Ed said. "Oh, I'm fine! Hey, are you at work? Is the colonel there?" he asked. "Uh, yeah, he's here. Why?" he said. What was Al up to? "Can I talk to him?" he said. "Uh…sure. One sec." Ed looked at Roy with a confused look. "Al wants to talk to you," he said, handing the phone to Roy. Roy looked at Ed questionably and took the phone.

"Hello?" he said. "Colonel, have you and my brother done anything?" he said, his tone dead serious. A shiver went down Roy's spine. "Alphonse, that's a little personal, don't you think?" he replied. Ed looked at him with a puzzled look. "Colonel, if you hurt my brother you know what will happen, don't you?" he said. Suddenly there was a depressed aura forming around Roy. "Okay, that's all I wanted to say have a nice day!" he said cheerfully. It was so creepy how he could just switch moods like that.

"Can I please talk to my brother now?" he asked politely. Roy didn't say anything, he just handed Ed the phone. "What did you and the colonel talk about?" Ed asked upon seeing Roy in the fetal position in the corner. "Oh, nothing. Oh, brother! I have to go! Winry needs my help lifting-no Winry don't!" suddenly there was crashing in the background and the phone lost signal. Ed sighed and hung the phone up. "What happened?" Ed said to Roy. "Nothing…"

Roy worked pretty hard on his paperwork until it was time to go home. "Ed." Ed turned to see Roy smiling at him. "Would you like to spend the night at my place?" he said, winking at him. Ed began blushing furiously, then nodded. He followed Roy out the door and they began walking to Roy's apartment.

**MWAHAHA! What's gonna happen at Roy' apartment? The world may never know! Okay, the world will know…please review and join my site! Edxroysanctuary.proboards82 .com**


	10. Embrace

**MWAHAHA-cough gag oh jeez sorry about that. Yeah chapter 10 double digits! I'm so happy! Okay enough with my rambling and on with the story! Join my site! Edxroysanctuary.proboards82 .com**

**Disclaimer: it's not mine! But the story is!**

Embrace

Ed and Roy arrived at his apartment in about 20 minutes, so they walked into the apartment and removed their shoes and jackets. Roy walked up behind Ed and wrapped his arms around his waist, making him jump. "Relax, I'm not gonna bite." '_Unless you want me to_.'

Ed relaxed, and leaned back into Roy's touch. He closed his eyes, feeling Roy's hands trace his upper body. He brushed over a hard nipple, making Ed gasp. Roy smiled. He slid his hands up his shirt, fanning his fingers out across his chest and listening to Ed's moans, then withdrew his fingers. Ed looked at him questionably. Suddenly Roy picked him up, making him squeak.

"What are you doing?" he said, gripping onto his neck for support. "Taking you to my room, my bride" he said playfully. "Who are you calling so small and feminine that he could pass as someone's bride!" he ranted. Roy laughed and carried him up to his room, removing his clothing along the way. By the time he threw Ed on the bed, he was down to his boxers. "You seem a bit overdressed," he said, shrugging off his jacket. Ed raised an eyebrow.

"You're _definitely_ overdressed," Ed said, leaning forward to help him with his clothes. He began to unbutton Roy's shirt while Roy worked at his belt buckle. They finally got the wretched thing loose and Ed ripped it off and threw it aside. "Wow, Ed. I had no idea you wanted it so badly," he said sarcastically. Ed just looked at him. "Shut up and get naked."

Finally, after some struggle, they were both naked. Then Ed froze up. "What is it?" Roy said, wrapping his arms around his waist and nuzzling his neck. "I…I'm just a little nervous," he said, blushing. "Just take things at your own pace," he said, leaning back to look Ed in the eyes. He smiled. He then jumped on Roy and pinned him on the bed. "I see your feeling better," Roy said, smirking up at him.

Ed smiled mischievously and began kissing Roy's neck. He moaned, tilting his head back to give him better access. Suddenly, Ed found himself being flipped over and their positions reversed. "Hey!" he said, giving him a pouting look. Roy only smiled and kissed his neck like Ed had done to him. Ed shivered, moaning loudly as Roy worked his way down to his collar bone. He began nipping and sucking at the sensitive skin, loving the gasps and moans Ed let out.

Roy moved against the small body below him, feeling the tender flesh slicked with sweat. He bucked his hips against Ed's, making him moan loudly and buck back. Roy repeated the action, earning a loud cry. "Roy!" he shouted out, thrusting his hips to meet Roy's.

Roy ran his hand up Ed's automail arm, feeling the cool metal. He traced the scar where the port met his flesh, where the metal was attached directly onto the skin. It still amazed him. Ed shivered, then groaned. He knew that the colonel was teasing him. "_Roy_," he said pleadingly, his eyes heavy lidded. Damn did he look sexy.

"How can I deny it when you put it like _that_," he said, slowly inching his way to his desired destination. Ed groaned in frustration, he felt as though he would die if Roy didn't speed things up. Roy leaned down and kissed him, slipping his tongue into the warm chamber of Ed's mouth. Ed jumped when Roy finally wrapped his hand firmly around his arousal, set firmly in place. He wasn't moving.

"Roy, p-please, _move_," he said, trying to wiggle around but Roy's other hand was holding down his hips. Finally Roy began moving his thumb around the tip, smearing the precum around his shaft. Ed moaned, longing for Roy to just grab him and pump him hard. Finally, he began pumping his hand up and down Ed's shaft, making him cry out. Roy traced Ed's bottom lip with his fingers, urging him to suck on them. He did as instructed, but it took a little longer with all his moaning. When Roy finally thought they were wet enough, he withdrew them and ushered Ed's legs open.

He removed his hand from Ed's arousal, despite Ed's groan at the loss. He placed his fingers at Ed's entrance, then looked at him questionably. "You ready?" he said, smiling warmly at the blond. "F-for what?" he stuttered. Roy laughed. "Tell me if it hurts too much," he said, stroking Ed's thigh. "Hurt? What are you gonna-whoa h-haa!" he said as Roy slipped in the first finger. Ed squirmed around, trying to get used to the awkward feeling. After about a minute, Roy began to pump the finger in and out of the boy. Ed groaned at the new sensation.

At this, Roy slipped in another finger. Ed took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. Roy started to move his fingers in a scissoring motion, stretching the blond out. He then hooked his fingers, and moved them on a certain spot. Ed gasped loudly, and arched his back. "Oh shit," he said, falling back against the mattress. "Found it," Roy said, kissing the blonde's neck. "_Oh god_," Ed said breathlessly, wrapping his hands around the colonel's neck.

"_Again_," he pleaded, pulling Roy against him. Roy moved his fingers against that spot, making Ed moan loudly and buck his hips. He pumped into him a few more times, then pulled back his fingers. Ed looked at him questionably, wondering what he was going to do next. Roy slicked his own erection with Ed's precum, then placed himself at Ed's entrance.

"Ready?" Roy asked for the second time. He looked down at Roy's arousal and the blood drained from his face. "T-that's not gonna fit," he stuttered, gripping the sheets. Roy laughed. "Don't worry, I'll be gentle," he said, kissing the blond soundly. He slowly pushed in, concentrating on Ed's face for any sign of pain. Ed squeezed his eyes tight, gripping painfully onto Roy's shoulders. He waited a while, letting Ed get used to the feeling of another inside.

He slowly started to move, pulling out of the smaller body. Ed groaned despite himself, feeling a growing need between his legs. He wanted Roy to go faster than this. "_Faster_," Ed moaned, wiggling his hips. Roy smiled and plunged back into him. "Shit!" Ed cried out and arched his back as Roy hit that spot inside of him. Roy began pumping into him, hard, seeing that Ed made no protests. Ed wrapped his arms around the colonel's waist, moving to his rhythm.

"Roy! Oh _god_, I'm gonna…so close…" Ed cried out, desperately grinding against Roy. Roy reached down and wrapped his hand around Ed's erection, moving with each thrust. Ed moans became louder as he neared completion, scratching his nails down Roy's back. Ed arched his back as he came violently, crying out Roy's name. Roy came shortly after, Ed tightening around him being the last thing he needed to find release. Roy rolled off of Ed and they both laid there for a moment, trying to get their breathing under control. Roy wrapped his arms around Ed, and Ed laid his head on his chest. Soon they both fell asleep in each others embrace.

**So how was it? Please review and, I say once again, join my site! So far I have 30 members and one of my fav FF .net authors just joined! Edxroysanctuary.proboards82 .com**


	11. The Morning After

**OMG I haven't updated in SOO long, I'm so sorry! DX I've been really busy, but now I'm going to try and update all my stories, so please review all of them! Here's chapter 11 please review!!! And join my site! Edxroysanctuary.proboards82 .com I have 36 members w00t!**

**Disclaimer: You know the drill**

**I was listening to Kung Fu Fighting when I wrote this XD **

The Morning After

Ed rolled over and moaned, feeling the rays from the sun shining on his face. Where was he again? Oh yeah, he was in Roy Mustangs bed. Said man had his arms comfortably around Ed's waist, his head resting on the back of his neck. Why was he so sore? Oh yeah. Ed began blushing remembering the events of last night. Sure, he couldn't move, but it had definitely been worth it. He had never had such an experience…nor had he ever felt pleasure like that. Just thinking about it made lying in this position uncomfortable. And being in Roy's arms made him want to lay there forever. Unfortunately, he couldn't.

He tried to move, but the colonel was set firmly in place. Damn, he really had to pee. "Roy," Ed said, shaking him. No use. He grunted. "Roy, wake up I have to go to the bathroom!" Ed shouted. Roy instantly sat up and began rubbing his eyes. "What?" he said, looking at the blond and squinting at the morning light. "I'm going to the bathroom," he said and hopped off the bed.

Ed forgot he was naked until he stood up, then immediately began blushing. "Don't act so shy, I saw it all last night," Roy said, smirking at the boy. "Shut up!" Ed yelled then stomped out the door and across the hall to the bathroom. Roy just fell back onto his bed and tried to get some more sleep. Suddenly there was a knock from downstairs, and Roy grunted. He got up and put on his robe, then proceeded downstairs.

"May I help you-" he said as he opened the door, but immediately stopped. "Sir, I really hope Edward isn't here, but seeing as you are both late to work, I can only assume he is with you," Hawkeye said, staring at him intently. "Lieutenant, it's so nice to see you," Roy said, smiling politely. She sighed. "Sir, where's Ed?" she said, but Roy heard a clanging behind him and turned around.

"Hey, Roy, you're out of toothpaste," Ed said as he came down the stairs with nothing but his boxers on. He also seemed to be limping. Roy slowly turned to face Hawkeye, a big smile on his face. He then felt the cool metal of a pistol on his forehead.

"Lieutenant, please don't overreact," he said, noticeably sweating. Ed froze in place at the base of the stairs. "Uhh… I have something to do," he said then shot up the stairs. "_Ed, don't leave me_…" Roy whispered as comic tears streamed down his face. "Both of you get dressed. I'll be waiting in the car and I expect both if you to join me in _5 minutes_," she said sternly. "Lieutenant, we're going to need a little more time than-" suddenly Roy was yet again met with the pistol, and he immediately changed his strategy. "Or we can meet you in 5 minutes, see you soon!" Roy said as he closed the door and ran up the stairs. Hawkeye sighed and put her negotiator away.

Roy and Ed got into the car precisely 5 minutes later, give or take a few seconds. Ed's hair was braided messily and Roy's uniform was wrinkled and crooked. Hawkeyed sighed at their conduct. It was silent the entire drive to central. As they walked into Roy's unit, they saw a few of the subordinates talking to Al. Ed paled when he saw him, and tried to hide behind Roy. It failed.

"Brother!" Al said happily as he happily came over. "Al, I didn't know you were going to back so soon," Ed said as he smiled and scratched the back of his head nervously. "You don't seem so happy to see me…" Al said and minimized into the background. "Of course I'm glad to see you, Al!" Ed said frantically. "I was just thinking of something, that all, hehe," he said, then shot Roy a knowing glance. Al being Al, he saw this and then looked at Roy, but Roy was too busy gazing at Ed.

"Hey Second Lieutenant, can I talk to you?" Al said to Havoc, pulling him aside. "Yeah sure, what ya need?" he said, taking a puff of his cigarette. "Well, earlier before my brother came in, you said to the other guys that it's possible to smell someone and know if the…uhh, you know…did _something_," Al said, nervously twittling his metal fingers. "Yeah, so?" Havoc said. "Uhh…can you smell my brother for me?" he said. "Oh, Ed got a little girlfriend?" Havoc said, obviously interested. "Uhh, something like that…"

"Sir, you should really get back to work," Hawkeye said to Roy, glaring at him. He just ignored her and kept oogling over Ed. '_Foolish man,_' she thought to herself. "HAVOC! Why the hell are you sniffing me you freak!" Ed yelled as he tried to smack Havoc away from him. "Sorry, Chief, I'm on a covert mission," he said, and continued sniffing him. "GYAHH!" Ed said as he tried to run away. "BINGO! I smell it!" he said as he stood up and brushed his hands off. "Goddamit, Havoc! How many times do I have to tell you that I didn't eat your freakin sandwich out of the employee fridge!" Ed said angrily.

"YOU SMELL IT?" Al said frantically as comic tears streamed down his face. "It's gone, gone forever just like your dog!" Havoc said, pointing to Hawkeye. "WHAT!?!" she yelled. "I hit him when I pulled into the parking lot!" he said dramatically. "Or maybe it was a stray…" he said, rubbing the back of his head. As he and Hawkeye argued in the corner, Al dealt with Ed.

"Al, what's going on?" he said, looking at him as if he were crazy. However, Roy had caught on by now ans was trying to silently sneak out the door…

**HAHAHA I'm so evil…I hoped you liked it please review! AND JOIN MY SITE ** **Edxroysanctuary.proboards82 .**


	12. Ooh, Conflict!

**Yay I finally freakin updated gosh it's been like 3 months jeez sooo sorry it took me so long I had a lot of stuffies goin on. So anyways I should be getting back in the habit of updating now. I hope you enjoy this chappie! Oh and I have a NEW board cuz my other one kinda bombed so it's a yaoi board! http://muchik.proboards105 .com **

**What I was listening to when I wrote this: Cupid's Chokehold by Gym Class Heroes**

**Disclaimer: It's not mine. Meh**

Ooh, Conflict!

"DON'T YOU DARE MOVE I'M GONNA KILL YOU," Al said to Roy as he tried to sneak out the door. "A-Alphonse, what are you talking about?" he said nervously as he sweat-dropped. "YOU'VE RAPED HIM! YOU TOOK AWAY HIS VIRGINITY AND HE CAN NEVER GET IT BACK!" At this point, the entire office was staring open-mouthed at Roy. Ed was wide eyed and mortified, and Roy was silently praying that Al didn't take his two-ton metal body and flatten him like a pancake.

"Al, I think me and your brother should discuss this in private-" Roy began, but was cut off when he saw a large metal body stomping towards him. "Or you can just meet me in my office," he said, and quickly ran to his door. Al then turned his glare to Ed, who was beet red and had been trying to hide in a corner. At seeing the colonel flee, he made an attempt to follow but was intercepted by Al. "BROTHER." He said sternly, putting a firm hand on Ed's shoulder.

"Al, we really should discuss this in private hehe," he said, removing himself from Al's grip and running to Roy's office with his head down. Al charged after him, the noticed all the looks pointed in his direction. He gave them all a death glare, and they quickly got back to work.

Ed ran into the office, then looked up to see his superior officer trying to pry open a window. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?" Ed shouted, lunging forward to keep Roy from diving out the window. "I MUST ESCAPE BEFORE YOUR BROTHER KILLS MEEE!" he yelled frantically clinging to the window as Ed tried to drag him away. Fingernail marks were left as Ed tore him from the window, and sat on him to keep him in place.

"Ewar' ge' o' me!" Roy yelled as he flailed his arms, trying to get out from under Ed. "If you run, the Al will REALLY kill you," Ed said, keeping his post. Suddenly the door flew open as Al barged in, then quietly closed it behind him and there was a 'click' as the lock was set in place. "Why did he lock it!" Roy said as comic tears streamed down his face.

"Colonel, you gave me the impression that you weren't going to do anything to my brother, and I trusted you," Al said, slowly walking towards him. "Well, you see Al, I didn't do anything_ to_ him, rather we did something _together_…" Roy said, pinned by Ed's small body. '_He wouldn't be so hard to get off if it wasn't for his freakin thousand pound automail!_,' he thought to himself.

"GAH! I don't wanna think about it!" Al yelled, running around in circles. Ed sighed. "Al I would _never_ hurt Ed, I love him." At this, Ed turned ten shades of red. "I love you too," Ed, pulling Roy into a bone crushing hug. "Ed, though I do love you with all my might, I'm going to have to ask you to stop crushing me," Roy said in a strained voice. "Oh, right," Ed said, then released him and stood up. Roy happily returned to his feet.

"Fine, but I'll be WATCHING you," he said, pointing to Roy. "And of course you used, er, _protection_," Al said, blushing. At this both Ed and Roy's head shot up. "P-protection?" Roy said nervously. Ed raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean, _protection_?"

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"ED AND THE COLONEL ARE…!" Havoc screamed, running around in circles. "Oh my god, that's just…no," Breda said, staring into space. Faulman just shook his head. Hawkeye sighed. "Great…"

**I hoped you all liked that chappie and I will update soon! Please Review!  
**


	13. Ed's Lack Of Education

**Well, people. I am happy that I reached 100 reviews, but I am unhappy that I only got 3 for that chapter. Do you WANT me to cry? DX fine be mean I hope you enjoy this chapter and please note that this will NOT become an Mpreg. I'm not too fond of those actually, unless there's a really good plot. So on with the story!**

**Song I was listening to when I wrote this: random Linkin Park songs hehe**

Ed's Lack Of Education

"_Protection_? From what?" Ed asked innocently. Roy was now sweating. '_Okay. It's no big deal. There's no WAY you have an STD, Mustang, get a hold of yourself. Actually, when was the last time you went to the doctor…well that was about 7 months ago for the annual exam the military assigns…oh crap Al's gonna kill you…_' Mustang thought to himself as he mentally picked out his casket. Blue would be nice…

"OH MY GOD YOU DIDN'T USE PROTECTION?!?" Al screamed, then once again picked up Roy and shook him like a rag doll. Roy wore a blank face as he was tossed to and fro by the large metal body. "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE RESPONSIBLE ONE! YOU HOMOSEXUAL STD CARRYING RAPIST!" Al yelled.

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"Can you hear anything?" Havoc asked Breda as they pressed their ears harder against the oak door. "…_you homosexual STD carrying rapist!_" "Holy crap what's going on in there?" Havoc said, quickly lighting up another cigarette and returning to the door.

Hawkeye sighed. She knew this would get out eventually, and it was time to do damage control. "Alright, everyone listen up! As I'm sure you're aware, two of the three people in that office are having a…certain relationship. As expected, you will respect your superior officers by keeping this low profile, _Havoc_." She said, glaring at the cigarette toting man. "What? I'm not the one banging-" he was cut off when a pistol was pointed at his forehead. "Of course I'll keep quiet hehe," he said, nervously rubbing the back of his head. "Now everyone get back to work drkljgelneslgms" Hawkeye yelled, flipping out and shooting two bullets in the roof. Havoc cowered in fear. "Aren't there people above us…?"

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"STD?" Ed said, paying no attention that his lover was being banged upside a wall. "Alphonse '_thud_' can you please '_thud_' put me down?" Roy managed to say in between bangs against the wall. "Al, put Mustang down," Ed said, shaking his head disapprovingly. Al released him and Mustang fell ungracefully to the floor. "Roy, what the heck is an STD?" Ed said, poking his lifeless form on the floor. "Uhh…" he moaned, sitting up and rubbing his head. "Who are you?" he said sarcastically. "Ha ha very funny okay what is it?" he said, crouching down and staring him in the eye.

"Hehe well you see, Edward, an STD is…asexuallytransmitteddisease," he said quickly. "WHAT?!? I could have diseases!?!" Ed said, freaking out. "Don't worry brother!" Al said, then noticed that Roy grabbed onto Ed's waist. What was he doing? "We'll get you to a hospital right away and-" suddenly Ed tried to bolt, but Roy held him fast. "NO WAY! I HATE HOSPITALS TRJJDFHCHF" Ed shouted as he tried to pry himself from Roy's grip. "Grab his arms, Alphonse!" Roy said as Ed flailed around.

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Havoc had somehow managed to slip past Hawkeye and was pried to the large door to Mustangs office. "I can't really hear anything…" he whispered to no one in particular. "…_grab his arms, Alphonse!_" "Oh my god gang rape?!?" Havoc yelled as comic tears rolled down his face. At this everyone in the room turned to stare at him. "JEAN HAVOC!" Hawkeye yelled as she abruptly sat up from her desk. "THEY'RE VIOLATIN' HIM IN THERE!" he yelled. .::BANG.:.BANG::. "I'm sorry first lieutenant!"

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"THERE'S NO FREAKIN WAY I'M GOIN TO THE DOCTOR!" Ed yelled as he tried to escape his bounds. At this point he was hog tied and placed on the couch. "Ed, when was the last time you had a doctor's check-up?" Roy asked, perking an eyebrow at him. '_This is no time for kinky thoughts, dammit_.' "Roy, if you let me out of here, I promise I won't run away, pleeeeease?" he pleaded, batting his eyelashes. Must…stay strong…

Mustang sighed and sat on this couch. "LEMME GO ARG!!!" Ed said as he lunged towards Mustang and latched onto his shirt with his teeth. "Oh, come on, Ed!" Mustang said, and pulled away, affectively tearing his shirt. Luckily he had taken off his uniform jacket upon entering his office, so only his white undershirt had been ripped, exposing his toned torso. .::insert fangirl droolz here::.

"Sir, I came to check on you and-" Hawkeye said, walking into the office. Everyone looked up and she stopped when she saw the seen before her. "Sir, why is Ed tied up and why is your shirt ripped?" she asked, crossing her arms. Havoc poked his head in behind her and yelled. "Oh my god it is gang rape!!!" he yelled, throwing his arm dramatically over his face. Roy sighed. "Lieutenant, can you get a car to take Edward to the hospital for a check-up?" he said, rubbing his temples. "Uh, yes sir, right away."

**Haha I had to write the chapter mostly to tie things together, but also for some comic release. The more reviews I get, the faster I update people so PLEASE review and visit my yaoi forum that has mangas and stuffies! muchik.proboards105**** .com ! **


	14. Playing Doctor

**!!!IMPORTANT STUFF BELOW!!!**

**PEOPLE, I only got 4 reviews for that last chapter. Do you not love me!?!? **

**Okay, because I am so review hungry I WILL NOT POST THE NEXT CHAPTER until I get at least 10 REVIEWS for this one!!! Oh, and when reviewing, even if it's not the last chapter of the story please review on it anyway it makes me feel good about my story and it makes me want to write MORE hehe! **

**And if you review…LEMON ALERT!!! The next chapter has a lemon. Beware of sexual scenes in a random place! NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART ;) You thought I would go the rest of the story without another lemon, didn't you! LINKIN PARK RULESES! **

**!!!DID YOU READ THAT STUFF UP THERE!?!**

**Disclaimer: Hmm, maybe Arakawa is a lesbian…Then I could turn into one and marry her and inherit FMA!!! Till then, it's not mine!**

Playing Doctor

Ed, Roy, Hawkeye and Al sat silently in the car as they drove to the hospital. Ed sighed, he had been defeated. But they really didn't have to keep his hands tied. As Ed fidgeted with his bonds, Roy sat in the front resting his chin in his hand as he loomed out the car window. He knew he was clean. Hell, he hadn't had the spirit to date anyone in the past few months as his thoughts of the blond increased, and had he gotten anything before that he would definitely have the symptoms by now. Even so, Ed was probably due for a check up anyway.

Al sat next to his brother, trying his best to keep strong as Ed tried to bribe him, promising mountains of kitties. As Al silently wallowed in kitten fantasies, Hawkeye drove them in silence, trying to figure out how to hide the body of a Flame Alchemist. Yes, it was an awkward silence, with the occasional "_And a kitty palace for them all to live_…"

They pulled into the hospital parking lot, and Roy walked around to Ed's door, opening it and scooping the blond up in his arms. "WHAT THE HELL, WE'RE IN PUBLIC!" Ed shouted, wriggling about. "Ed, it's not uncommon to see someone being carried into a hospital. Besides, if I untie you there's a chance you'll escape," he said smiling. How very creepy. "Sir, is that necessary?" Hawkeye said, crossing her arms and staring sternly at the colonel. "Yes. Yes it is," he said, turning and walking towards the hospital. "Come along, Alphonse."

Al sighed and followed. "Whatever," Hawkeye said and followed suit. Roy walked up to the front counter with Ed still in his arms like nothing was out of the ordinary. "Hello, I'd like to schedule a doctor's appointment," he said, addressing one of the nurses. "Oh," she said, noticing his uniform. "Right away, Colonel sir," she said, happily turning and picking up a phone. "_Doctor Collin to the front desk, please_," she said into the phone, and it boomed over a loud speaker.

A few moments later, an older man in a white coat appeared. "Hello, I'm Dr. Collin. What can I do for you today?" he said politely. "Uh, yeah. He needs a check up," he said, gesturing to the struggling figure in his arms. "Oh, is this your son?" he said, smiling. "DIRTY MOTHER FU-" a hand quickly clamped over Ed's mouth, and Roy laughed nervously. "Hehe uh no he's a friend of mine," he said. "FRIEND OF YOURS!?! I'm the Fullmetal Alchemist, dammit!" Ed screamed, attracting the attention of the entire first floor. "Uh, yes, well please follow me," Dr. Collin said, leading them down a hallway. "Me and Alphonse will just wait here," Hawkeye said, grabbing Al's metal arm. "BUT-" Al said as he was dragged to the waiting room. "Can I ask you a question?" Dr. Collin said to Roy as Ed continued to fidget. "Sure," Roy said. "Why is he tied up?"

They walked into the small room, which was pretty much empty except for an examining table, a sink with some medical supplies grouped around it, along with a cupboard. Roy gently plopped Ed down on the table, and turned to face the doctor. "What seems to be the problem?" The doctor said, smiling once again. "Oh, well all he really needs is a blood test," Roy said. Ed shot him a glare. "Blood test? THAT MEANS NEEDLES!!!" Ed said, then lunged forward off of the table and onto the floor. "Wiggle to freeeedooom!!" Ed said dramatically, latching onto the door frame with his teeth and pulling himself towards the door.

"Uh, you'll have to excuse him hehe," Roy said, grabbing Ed and yanking him off of the door frame, effectively tearing a chunk of wood out. "Uh, yes, well I'll have to go get some supplies and do few other things, so I'll be back in 20 minutes or so. Sorry for the wait," Dr. Collin said, smiled at them and then exited the room. Roy turned to Ed, who was still under his arm, and smiled nervously. Ed just growled, and turned away. "Come on, Ed. Don't be mad," the Colonel said, setting him on the table. "Don't be mad!?! You hog tied me and dragged me down to this death riddled building so that a creepy old guy could stab me with sharp objects!" he ranted, kicking his legs.

Roy sighed, then untied Ed. "That better?" he asked, rubbing Ed's flesh wrist. "Whatever…" was his reply. "Relax, it's just a needle," he said, putting his arm around Ed's shoulders and pulling him in so that Ed's head rested on his shoulder. They stayed like that for a while, mostly because they were both pretty tired from last night and hadn't exactly gotten a good night's sleep. After a while, the door opened and they both shot upright. "Sorry that took so long, I have all the equipment so whenever you're ready," Dr. Collin said, supplies in hand.

"NEEDLE!" Ed shouted as his current mood of peace changed to panic. Roy grabbed onto his shirt, ruining his attempted escape. "Uh, is this going to be a problem?" the doctor asked, taking a step back. "Of course not, right Ed?" Roy said, giving Ed frightening yet smiling face. '_I didn't know Mustang could be that creepy while smiling_,' Ed thought as a shiver went up his spine. "Okay…" Ed said partly out of defeat, partly out of fear.

He sat on the table, and the doctor came over after he had prepared the syringe and put on gloves. Ed rolled up the sleeve on his flesh arm, cringing at the sight of the sharp object. "Okay, you'll just feel a light pinch," he said, finding the vein in his arm. _'Light pinch_, my ass,' he thought to himself. Ed squeezed his eyes shut, then reached out and grabbed Roy's hand, holding it tightly. Roy smiled warmly at him, squeezing it reassuringly.

"All done," Dr. Collin said as he placed a lid on the vile of blood. "Really?" Ed said, surprised. He'd barely felt it. "Yep, you can go home now. The results should come in tomorrow," he said, placing a dinosaur band-aid on the wound. '_What the hell?_' "Would you like a lollipop?" he said, walking over the trash can and throwing away his gloves. "Like hell I would!" he retorted, crossing his arms. "Come back soon for another check up," he said politely. '_Yeah, that's happening_.' They left and began walking back towards the front counter.

Ed looked over at Roy. "Thanks…" he said, staring at the floor and blushing. "No problem. I would say, 'let's get back to work' but I think it would be a bit awkward. Maybe we should take the rest of the day off," he said, rubbing the back of his head. "Can you do that? I thought you always have a ton of paperwork to do," Ed said, quirking an eyebrow in his direction. "Uh, well, that can slide. At least for one day," he said, laughing nervously. "Slacker," Ed mumbled. Roy smiled. Genuine Ed. They held hands as they walked towards the front desk, but as they neared the crowd of people their hands parted, and went to their sides. Yes, even though they were happy they still had obstacles in their way.

**Oh wow, it got a little angsty in the end, didn't it? DIDN'T SEE THAT ONE COMIN BWAHAHA So how was it? PLEASE REVIEW!!! And visit my yaoi board ****http://muchik.proboards105**** .com **


	15. Unsanitary, Much?

**Okay, peoples, I know I haven't updated in like a bazillion years but I'm sorry! I've been busy and now I have summer school! SUMMER SCHOOL! Anyways, I think I got about 10 reviews for that last chapter so here goes!**

**Disclaimer: DUH! FMA no belonging to meh!**

**Warning: LEMON! Yay lemon lemon LEMON! Okay, my third lemon EVER so be gentle!**

Unsanitary, Much?

Hawkeye stood when they entered the room and looked at the colonel.

"Sir," she began, but he raised a hand.

"First lieutenant, me and Fullmetal are pretty tired, so why don't you go on ahead," he said, and began to walk away. He stopped when he felt the cool metal of a pistol against his temple.

"Sir, you have had enough time off of work, and I suggest we return there," she said to the now mortified colonel. He slowly moved away and faced her.

"Fair enough, but first may I use the restroom?" he said, then looked at Ed and made a gesture.

"Huh…" Ed said, but then caught on.

"Oh! Uh, yeah, me too. Be right back!" he said, grabbing the colonel's hand and pulling him down a nearby hallway.

"How do we escape?" the blond haired boy said, looking around frantically.

"We don't," Roy said, wrapping his hands around Ed's waist and pulling him into a nearby on-call room(1).

"Wha-hnn!" Ed said as Roy crashed his lips against the younger alchemist's, pulling him closer. Ed moaned into the kiss, fisting his hands into the front of Roy's uniform. He was pushed up against the door, pinned so that his feet barely touched the ground. He then wrapped his mismatched legs around the colonel's waist. Roy pulled up the boy's shirt, running his hands over his flawless muscles.

"What in the world is taking them so long?" Hawkeye said to no one in particular, tapping her foot on the cheap linoleum that lined the floor. She rolled her eyes and sat back down in the uncomfortable waiting room chair.

"Yeah, you wouldn't believe how many people have sex in the on-call rooms." Hawkeye looked up to see a young doctor talking to a nurse.

'Sex in the hospital? Unsanitary much?' Hawkeye thought to herself as she flipped through a magazine.

Ed bit back a moan as Roy began to work at his tender neck, nipping and sucking wherever possible.

"Hnn Roy ahh not here…" Ed choked out as the Flame began to unbutton his black over shirt, the red coat already discarded. Ed arched against the door when Roy took his nipple into his mouth, gently sucking on the pink nub. Ed groped the wall behind him, desperately searching for something to hold onto. He accidentally hit a light switch, and the once dark room was illuminated.

Ed blinked to try and get back his focus, his eyes adjusting to the light. Roy didn't miss a beat, and wrapped his lover up in his arms and threw him onto a nearby bed. He quickly unbuttoned his uniform jacket and tossed it to the side. He didn't bother to take off his white undershirt, but opted to leave it unbuttoned. He then climbed atop his lover, claiming his body once more, his mouth savoring every inch of him, slowly working his way down towards his naval.

Ed could only stare at the man on top of him, fisting his jet-black hair and moaning his name. Ed jumped when Roy suddenly brushed his arm against Ed's growing erection, arching hard against the crisp clean sheets of the sterile mattress.

Roy smiled, and grasped Ed in his hand.

"Oh!" Ed moaned, throwing his arms back and gripping the metal frame of the bed.

'Oh, come on! How long do they need to take a leak?' Hawkeye thought irritably as she sat in waiting room, her back laying independent of the chair as she maintained her posture. Other people in the waiting room spotted her, and suddenly sat up a bit straighter in their uncomfortable hospital chairs.

Roy stripped Ed of his boots, and began working at the damned buckle of Ed's belt. He was definitely taking him clothes shopping.

"Uhn, Roy," Ed moaned, writhing under the older man.

"Yes?" h said, kissing a trail up the boy's neck and stopped to look him in the eye.

"Fuck me hard," he said in a breathless voice, sitting up and ripping down his own pants. Roy raised an eyebrow.

"Inpatient, are we?" Roy said, smirking and quickly unbuttoning his own pants. He pulled them down to his knees, and then his boxers went down too. Ed could only stare in awe at his arousal.

"Are you gonna stare all day or are we gonna do this?" Roy said, yanking down Ed's boxers and lifting up his legs, (successfully making Ed fall back down on the mattress) and pulling them down and off his legs. Roy then leaned down and playfully licked the younger man's erection.

"Hahn!" Ed cried out, once again grabbing the metal bar behind him and thrusting up into the willing mouth. Roy hummed against the body below him, smiling as Ed went mad with desire.

"Oh! Uhn uhh Roy! Ah" Ed moaned as he rocked his hips, desperately trying to get what he wanted. Roy then turned his attention to Ed's entrance, sucking on his fingers. Ed was definitely aware when Roy stopped his ministrations to his arousal.

"Roy, what are you-Hahn!" Ed yelped as Roy slid his first finger in. It was much looser than last night. A second quickly followed, making the younger alchemist squirm.

Soon Roy had 3 digits thrusting in and out, making Ed moan.

"Oh, uhn Roy, uh fuck yes!" Ed cried, thrusting his hips up to meet Roy's fingers, the metal bed frame creaking under hisweight. Roy then withdrew his fingers and placed himself at Ed's entrance. Roy lubed himself with Ed's precum, and slowly slid in. Thankfully, Ed was much more prepared for him and he slid in easily.

"Haa, Roy!" Ed moaned as he arched against the bed once more.

Once he was in all the way, he looked at Ed questionably, waiting for a sign to move.

Ed's answer was given when he grabbed Roy's shoulders and flipped him over, reversing their positions. Ed sat on top of Roy, and lifted himself off of him until only the head was imbedded inside of him, the he crashed back down.

"Oh!" Ed shouted as he threw his head back, then repeated the process. Roy moaned loudly, both the physical stimulation and the sight of Edward riding him driving him closer to climax.

"Ah, Edward, god yes!" Roy moaned as he desperately gripped the blond boy's hips, slamming him back down again.

(what readers think: GODDAMIT NO ONE CARES ABOUT HAWKEYE XD)

Hawkeye was now definitely pissed off. They had been gone for freakin' 25 minutes! What the hell!?!

Ed was leaning back and his hands were placed firmly on Roy's thighs, trying to support himself. He was getting desperate for relief, and his thrusts were coming faster and harder. Roy could tell Ed was close, he was too, and he tried desperately to buck his hips to meet the smaller one's thrusts.

"Haa! Uhh Roy I'm so c-close!" Ed choked out, his head thrown back in ecstasy. Roy groaned, feeling a familiar coiling in his groin.

"Ohhh uh me too!" Roy grunted. He was so close. Ed cried out, gripping onto Roy tightly as his climax overtook him, racking his body with pleasure. Seeing Ed's coming face was all Roy needed to push him over the edge, causing him to arch hard and grip desperately at Ed's shaking hips, riding out his orgasm.

Ed collapsed on op of Roy, his chest heaving against the colonel's. Roy wrapped his arms around the small body, affectionately nuzzling his hair.

"Love you, Roy," Ed said as he let himself be held.

"I love you, Edward," Roy said as he breathed in the boy's scent. Unfortunately, their romantic moment was short lived.

"What the hell!?" an attending(2) yelled as she walking into the on-call room.

Oh yeah, they have horrible luck.

**(1) a room for doctors to rest or sleep when they can because they have long shifts.**

**(2) A rank of medical doctors. Intern, resident, attending…**

**So how was it? I was hesitant (lazy) to write another lemon but this chappie was HELLA long! Almost twice much as what I usually dish out! Please review!!! Oh and I know I made Hawkeye WAY out of character but you never know, maybe she just puts up a front…yeah sure…**


	16. Roy, the Homosexual Pedophile

**Yay okay I only got 5 reviews for that last chapter. WHY!?! I worked really hard and that's all I get? ok whatever this chapter is just for crack and has NOTHING to do with the plot line. Got it? Good ok on with the story**

**Disclaimer: I'm too old for this…ok actually I'm only 14 (I know surprise huh? Hmm maybe I should look into that )**

**I was listening to 'Clothes Off' by Gym Class Heroes feat. Patrick Stump aka lead singer of FOB I wuv that song**

Did you read that crap up there? THEN GO READ IT!

Roy, The Homosexual Pedophile

Roy sat at his desk and sighed. He missed Ed. He continued t scrawl his signature on each paper in front of him, in fear that a certain first lieutenant would have his ass if he didn't. Then there was a knock at he door.

"Come in," Roy said, not bothering to look up.

"Oh RoOoy!" Hughes sang as he pranced over. Roy cringed.

"This can't be good," he said as he put down his pen. "What is it Maes?" he asked, rubbing his temple.

"Roy, we need to have a very serious talk. You know you can tell me anything," he said, placing his hand on Roy's shoulder. Roy just glared at the man.

"About what?" he said, resuming his paperwork.

"About YOU and a certain blond haired alchemist," Hughes said, a devious grin on his face.

Roy nearly collapsed. His eyes widened in shock, but he soon regained his composure and hoped Hughes didn't notice.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Roy said calmly, continuing to sign papers. It's not that he didn't want Hughes to know for fear of what he'd THINK, it's just that he would tease the HELL out of him!

"Roy, don't play dumb, just tell me. I want to hear it from _you_," Hughes said, still grinning.

Okay, he was running out of options. He had two: he could come clean, or…deny deny deny. Yep, that sounded pretty good.

"Maes, if you're here to waste my time then please leave because I have work to do." And with that Roy focused his attention on his paperwork. Actually, he was just looking at his paperwork and hoping Hughes left. He didn't.

Hughes sighed.

"You're going to make this difficult, aren't you?" he said, leaning on the desk. Roy dropped his head with a 'thump'.

"You're still here," he groaned.

"Damn right I'm still here. Come on Roy, just tell me. Why have you been so nice to Ed lately, hmm?" he said. At this point the grin was eating his face.

Roy twitched. There was no way out of this. He just had to deny it as long as humanly possible.

"If you must know, me and Fullmetal decided that it would be better if we just learned to work peacefully with each other," Roy said, satisfied. But Hughes wasn't dumb.

"Okay, then why did I see you leave together once then?" Hughes said, leaning on his elbow and looking Roy straight in the eye.

"Well that's simple. It was raining and I gave him a ride.

"It wasn't raining the time I saw you."

"Well…I give him rides a lot. You see, I'm a very giving person."

"Bullshit."

"_Maes_."

Hughes could tell Roy was getting angry at this point, but only because he was losing.

"Okay, fine. Fullmetal and I have gotten to be pretty good friends. You happy?" Roy said irritably.

"Not in the least bit," Hughes said. He sighed and began to rummage around in his pocket for something. He pulled it out and held it up.

"A tape recorder?" Roy said, obviously confused.

"I didn't want to have to do this, Roy. But you've given me no choice. Do you have anything else to say?" Hughes said, eyeing the colonel.

"..No," Roy said, nervously. Hughes sighed once again and clicked the tape recorder on.

At first there was just some rustling, then an undistinguishable groan.

"_Oh…haa uhn_ _Roy_,"

Roy's eyes went wide.

"_Haa….uh harder_,"

"_Oh...Ed_ _yes_,"

"TURN IT OFF TURN IT OFF!" Roy jumped for the tape recorder but Hughes held it out of reach.

"What the hell Maes!?! When did you…!" Roy yelled as he continued to grab at it.

Hughes just laughed.

And of course, it kept playing.

"_Roy, oh yes haa uhn_."

"TURN IT OFF!

"_ED…ha oh so close."_

"GAH! I'm gonna kill you!" Roy yelled as he continued to try and get the damned tape recorder.

"You really should lock your door, Roy!" Hughes laughed as he ran out the door.

"You're sick, you know that!?!" Roy yelled after him, getting the attention of everyone in his unit.

Riza turned to Havoc and held out her hand.

"Second Lieutenant, you owe me and Maes 50 big ones."

**XD sorry I jut had to write that and I'll get back to the regular story next chapter. You like it? Well then review dammit! XD ok ta ta for now!**


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